i keep on searching for the web to read some good points in building a good relationship.how to be good to your partner,controlling emotions etc which I think I need extra attention on that before I step into a marriage.
then a friend suggest to read "Men are from Mars,Women are from Venus".He said,then u will A BIT understand ur partner!
In a relationship the women keep on saying"U never understand me" and the men keep on replied"then U understand me?"..this situation keep on going and going.Me myself dunno where it goes wrong and surely dont know how to fix it.Even giving me hundreds years,I think I surely cant fully understand my partner's need and how he cope with his emotions.
Let me share some points from that book where I think it make sense.
1) Men like to be logical. Women like to share and talk even if there is no point in their sharing and talking. Men need to have an objective. They need to see the point in doing something. They can't share for the sake of sharing.
2) Men tend to do one thing at a time. Women do many things at a time. Men have a tunnel vision. 95% of their attention is focused on just one thing and 5% on checking of the environment. Women are just the opposite. They are continuously taking in everything that there is in the environment whether it is useful or not.
3) Men have their own caves on which the sign states "Please do not disturb." Men like to retreat into their own world where they feel they are in control. Women also have caves but the sign on their caves is "I need to talk". When a man asks a woman what's wrong and she says "Nothing" it really means "Nothing, unless you care to listen and give me an opportunity to talk."
4) 90% of women go into therapy because they want to be listened to. They want to be asked questions. They want to feel special. Men hate to be questioned. If men want to talk they'll talk. If they don't want to talk they won't. When a man is locked in his cave, the woman thinks that something is wrong with him and goes in and asks questions. This is a wrong move for the woman to make. Men hate to be interrogated
5) Men want to forget the problems of the day. Women want to remember. A man will say "Forget it, it's no big deal." For a woman she will not rest till the problem is talked about. Her response to the man, who wants to just forget about it and not make a big deal out of it, will be "How can you be so insensitive.
6) Women make noises to get attention. Men make noises to signal "Please leave me alone."
7) If a man tries to walk in a woman's shoes, she will be more willing to understand his point of view. Men tend to expect women to agree with their point of view because they feel it is obviously the best point of view
8) Men are efficiency oriented. Must do it the easiest and fastest way. Women on the other hand feel that taking the shortest path between 2 points is boring. Women like variation. This is especially true in the bedroom. Men go by the same formula every time while women want variation. Men like uniforms and the same uniform. Men look good in a tuxedo or a suit and that's it. Every time the same tuxedo or suit. Women like to change their dress; sometimes thrice or even more times in a day
9) The more narrow the focus of a man the more stressed he is bound to get. He can't notice anything else other than what he is focusing on at that moment. Women deal with lots of problems at the same time and the way they cope is to talk about them
10) Men use their brain sequentially viz. one part at a time. Where women are concerned it is usually the whole brain at once
11) Women lower stress through talking and sharing. The collectiveness and togetherness which they share is part of their feminity. Men lower their stress by being alone. Women's attitude is that if we can't do anything about it then let's talk about it and suffer together. Men's focus is on solving the problem. And if they can't solve the problem then they make the problem disappear by forgetting about it
12) Men always want to be right
13) Women give more. Men want to get more
14) Man wants to be appreciated. Woman wants to be listened to and noticed. Men stress more on what they do while women stress more on their being
15) Men sprint faster. Women win the long distance
16) Don't try to fix or change your partner
In the end of the day, what I can conclude forgiveness is the key if you wont satisfied with each other and do not drag the problems too long and too far. It will getting worst. If someone hurts then one needn't hurt back. As Gandhi said, An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind
Listening also will creates healing.True love is giving without expecting anything in return. When two people both give 100 percent, you have a strong bond, a strong overlap that is going to guarantee flexibility and the ability to cope with crises and problems. But accepting the 50–50 proposition guarantees a built-in weak link in your relationship!
The key to sustaining relationship and soon a marriage is mutual understanding, cooperation and adjustment. For a marriage to succeed, both the husband and wife must be committed to its success. It will not develop on its own accord, but through the concerted effort of the couple.We should learn to compromise and share, make sacrifices for each other, and always show concern for each other’s needs
Still,in anything involves two persons,u both need to cooperate.Men and women are from different planet.Everything is different.I believe men cant understand women and women cant understand men.Then what is left to a great relationship??i wolud think it always be COOPERATION and ADJUSTMENT!
Yes,now I think I know, when hes kept lock in his cave,keep on silence,I think i dont have to make any sounds,eventhough silence will kill the women!Only women knows.I try to understand him by not making any noise which I think he hate the most.GOsh!.but i hope he will understand me also(ok..ok..i give this point again.women is always women eventho she tries to be soooo good!!!)
The last point is "whatever I experienced with my partner, it dont even decrease my love for him.hope this wont last forever".
I hope this will give me a little bit change.Nothing is important to me than a marriage that we will build.Pray that it is always in a strong bond and we will cherish every moments with joy and love.
